8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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