I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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