Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
