It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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