jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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