i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
