I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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