so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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