Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
