i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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