Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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