if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm like, not good at living.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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