I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
