I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
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Just took my morning after pill in the library
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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