i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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