Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
