I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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