I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
