The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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