I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
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K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize