Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
