Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
