I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
