I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
