why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
