I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
