I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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