Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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