So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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