That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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