Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
