paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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