you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
