Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it because I queefed?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
