Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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