well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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