last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Vodka?
Forever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
