On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize