I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
