So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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