She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
