Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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