It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
only if we run a train.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
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I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?