I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just pynch a tree in the face
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!