Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
