shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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