Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
