3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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