The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
4 words: hood of his car
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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