think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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