I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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