Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
