I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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