Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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