If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
