I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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