He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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