Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
