Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
