who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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