Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
