U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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