Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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