Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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