i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
