Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
