I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize