who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
