fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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