EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
