I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
